An Interview with President Biden
This is CZZ – Your network for breaking news!
Today we’re delighted to bring you an exclusive interview with President Biden (PB) by our crack, news reporter, Baldy Badminton (BB).
BB: Since it’s in the most recent news, what’s your take on your son, Hunter and the investigation of him.
PB: I love my son. That’s a stupid, dumb question. Come on, man!
BB: It’s been said you won the 2020 election because of the unrest with COVID. How do you feel you’ve handled it?
PB: The answer is simple; perfectly. We followed the science from my first day in office. To avoid any misinterpretations, I ordered the CDC Director to exactly follow the recommendations of Anthony Fauci and the teachers’ unions. It’s about science, man.
BB: How about the vaccines?
PB: We had to keep everything shut down until all the kids and newborns were vaccinated and safe. As you know, I required all federal employees to be vaccinated, regardless of any of their erroneous, right-wing opinions or religious beliefs.
BB: And what about the mask requirements?
PB: Again, the requirement for everyone to wear a mask, even at home, is one of the major reasons we got the virus under control.
BB: Have you always wanted to be President?
PB: In a way, yes. But when I was VP I realized the power of the Oval Office and thought – like Wow! I could take a vacation whenever and wherever I want and have all the ice cream in the world.
BB: Other than those things, anything else come to mind about you being President?
PB: Yes, of course. I led NATO into supporting regime change in Russia. Putin and Trump were like brothers, and we need to get rid of Putin as well.
BB: That brings up the war in Ukraine. How much support will we provide? In other words, what’s the endgame?
PB: The great thing that war has done for us is it has provided an issue that I and the Republican leadership can agree on.
BB: You’re making this too easy for me – leading me into the next, logical question – your promise to unite the country. Have you done that?
PB: Absolutely! I keep my promises, unlike most of the radical Republicans.
BB: You have a big thing about “equity” – why is that?
PB: I want this administration to look like America. Starting with Kamala Harris, I’ve put people in federal jobs based on their important qualifications of skin color, gender and gender identity. I don’t care if there may be better fits based on education and experience. My administration looks like America.
BB: How long have you been on the climate change bandwagon?
PB: The answer is all my life. I made the original announcement. As a youngster I remember watching corn pop and thinking that’s what heat can do to corn. I also remember wishing in the mid 1950’s that my parents would buy an electric car and eliminate all those greenhouse emissions. So, global warming has been an existential threat to the world all my life and I’m finally doing something about it.
BB: Can we really eliminate fossil fuels from electricity generation by 2035?
PB: Of course we can. All it will take is another $10-15T more for solar and wind power generation and people staying home more, using more green friendly appliances, and buying an electric car.
BB: How do you feel about the southern border?
PB: I’ve taken the steps needed to teach those red state leaders what it means to be a sanctuary for our welcome illegal immigrants. I’ll be proposing legislation to grant the vote to all those asylum seekers and save our American democracy in those states.
BB: How do you really feel about Republicans?
PB: Like many parents, and with few exceptions, they’re all MAGA terrorists. I proved that by winning the 2020 election. Republicans are responsible for putting oil on Air Force I steps and making them slick, putting sandbags where I walk and not being there for a handshake after I make an important public announcement or decree and leave the podium. So, all they want is for me to look bad – but I’m just too smart for them. Jill and I just go to the beach.
BB: There are those that say that you’re responsible for the high inflation since taking office and the commensurate increase in interest rates and the national debt. What do you have to say about that?
PB: We anticipated we would experience some transitory inflation with the spending of additional trillions of dollars. But look at my record. I got legislation passed that not only will save the country, but it will also put us on the path to international glory. The national debt is no big deal and immaterial to my important work.
BB: Can you beat Donald Trump in 2024?
PB: Most people know Trump and his family are dangerous for the country and ran it into the ground. I’ll beat him by an even bigger margin in 2024 because he’s now burdened with indictments for all his conspiracies and crimes, showing everyone the crook he’s always been.
BB: What’s the one last thing you’d like to say to the American people today?
PB: We’ve only just begun to change the country for the better. I know some people don’t understand how important those changes are and why everything costs more, and that’s OK. They can trust me to make their decisions for them and another 4 years will give me a chance to make it even better.
BB: Folks, there you have it. You can certainly understand why President Biden has an awesome 23% approval rate by voters. Thank you, Mr. President. You can count on my contribution and vote next year – if you stay in your basement again.
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Have a great and prosperous week.
Hug somebody.
SPIDER Bites
This week’s trivia question: Which is the only metal to be in liquid form at room temperature? The answer to last week’s – the 3rd country with the bomb: United Kingdom. It developed a nuclear weapon in 1952. Nine countries currently have nuclear weapons: the US, UK, Russia, France, China, India, Pakistan, Israel and North Korea.
The Conference Board reports the consumer confidence index dropped from 114 to 106.1 in August. The index measures both Americans’ assessment of current economic conditions and the outlook for the next 6 months. Both saw significant declines last month.
Visa and MasterCard announced an increase in the fees merchants will pay when a customer pays with a credit card, effective October and April, respectively. More cost to the vendor equals more cost to the buyer. Merchants in the U.S. paid around $93 billion in Visa and Mastercard fees last year, according to the Nilson Report. That number was $33 billion in 2012.
A Danish company with 3, huge wind energy projects off the New England coast announced last week it will likely cut its losses and pull out if the Biden administration doesn’t provide it with billions more in subsidies. The company knows it won’t recoup losses with power sales, so this is what happens when the government tries to decide the market for anything by subsidizing manufacturing.
The same thing is happening with EVs and now with home solar panels.
The Massachusetts governor activated the National Guard to assist at shelters and hotels as the state struggles with an influx of migrants. The move comes after the governor declared a state of emergency several weeks ago because of the strain on the shelter system. “Massachusetts is in a state of emergency, and we need all hands-on deck to meet this moment and ensure families have access to safe shelter and basic services,” Healy said in a statement.
The 10-year Treasury bond is on track for a third year of losses in 2023, something that hasn’t happened in 250 years of U.S. history. The return for investors putting money in that bond stands at negative 0.3% so far in 2023, after a 17% slump in 2022 and a 3.9% drop in 2021. There’s an inverse relation between interest rates and bond prices. When interest rates go up, the value of bonds go down, and vice versa.
“Margaritaville” Jimmy Buffet died last week. He encompassed the persona of a beach bum, had loads of fans, and was/is the theme of many outdoor parties.
